Looking back on my past has often been painful but in attempts to avoid reality I often sugar coated it or dismissed its existence at all. Your past often shapes your present in more ways that you can imagine. the thought of burying it deep down, now explains (for me at least) why I carried so much pain around, the feeling that my past was a burden at times was overwhelming. many of night I cried myself to sleep wishing for an alternate universe in which I relished in the memory of my childhood.
“Your past gave you the opportunity to see your possible future , it helps make you who you are by showing you who you didn’t want to be.”
My awakening to the benefits of being me with all my flaws was gradual, Being a strong proud gay black man was a moniker I could not carry honestly in the past , it was truly earned, The proud part eluded me for the longest. I had all the right ingredients , still, i refused to have the confidence. The term , fake it till you make it , was an invaluable tool in carrying me through this period of my life.
If you want to be taken seriously you need to hold your head up high, look people in their eyes and say whats on your mind. stop hiding from yourself.
You should be judged by the friends you keep for they are a true reflection on you. their actions are their own indeed, but your choice to overlook them makes you slightly culpable. And your continued friendship means you condone those actions. Surrounding myself with people that uplifted me was easier said than done, being a people pleaser made this difficult . Sometimes I tried to please the wrong people.
Sometimes you need to be selfish, sometimes you need to set your pride aside and let your friends be friends.
Often time lessons are being taught even if you’re not ready to learn.