I am alright

ImageALRIGHT

adverb: 
  1. 1.
    in a satisfactory manner or to a satisfactory extent; fairly well.

I am alright , not ok nor doing well … But alright,

And I am so good with that… I haven’t always been alright. There were times in my life where I thought the world was caving in on me. Being in the closet was one of the periods where all seemed hopeless. A big part of the pain one feels )well at least for me ) comes from lying… It seemed to eat me alive every time I  obfuscated  an issue involving my sexuality. I remember a time in which I had a girlfriend , yep that’s right I had a lady friend :-). She was aware of my sexuality she told me later so the whole situation was a hot mess… We double dated with my brother and even messed around … though I hadn’t been verbally lying my actions and image I was attempting to portray was a huge lie, It was painful . The stress involved in hiding the true you is indescribable .

When I was a young lad I had an uncle whom I met for the first time around 9 years old in Chicago , He was tall well dressed and gay … and I was amazed . His partner was a tall caucasian super athletic looking dude . They were both successful and didn’t quantify their sexuality at all , it just was . They were openly affectionate and to me seemed ever so in love . I knew I was gay and knew I wanted that ever since .  So finding myself as a young adult in a fraudulent relationship used to hide who I really am was made that much more painful with their image lingering in the back of my mind.

In my household homosexuality was spoke of in an emasculating fashion, You were weak and somehow less worthy than the next person because of whom you loved . I was never told not to be gay , i just knew it wouldn’t be the best thing to admit , I met my cousin Boochie in my early childhood also, Boochie is fabulous drag queen whom everyone respected while in her presence but behind closed doors defamed . The Boochie I saw was strong , and I prayed that one day I would be able to live my life in such a fashion. Regardless of how people spoke behind my back, they would respect me to my face…Boochie was an inspiration in being confident in who I was first and for most. There have been numerous inspirational people in my life that unknowingly have shaped the man that stands before you today. Finally able to carry the moniker of a proud gay black man… it took some time and there were tons of times in which I almost gave up , but I didn’t and I’m happier for it. Yep that’s right my near failures and setbacks made me stronger and I’m “alright” with that.

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