Becoming a better gay man…


In my old age, I’m starting to believe that being an out and proud  gay man just isn’t enough. I can do better , I can be a better example to my community at large . These steps don’t need to be grand in scale just taken….So heres the plan

1. I’ll recognize my own privilege.

At the end of the day, the LGBT community is just a microcosm of our society. Being a white gay man means you have less to worry about in terms of employment, salary, housing, violence, and even the criminal justice system compared to everyone else in our community. My social standing makes me less likely to feel these but my rights are still limited in this country, there are others in my community who can’t worry about marriage equality because their lives are threatened every day simply for existing or openly expressing themselves. We need to recognize that our community has also fallen victim to the same gender and social norms that plague the society we’re trying to change. Gay black latino Asian and middle eastern men all need to control the movement. We need to be vigilant that all corners of our community have a voice and face at the table. Our fight doesn’t end at marriage equality and adoption rights. Our fight ends when all of our brother’s sisters and everyone in between are fully protected under the law.

2. I’ll be proud.

I remember the first time I saw two openly gay men. I was with my brothers at my uncle’s home and saw him and his partner kiss. They were all smiles and blushing. They weren’t blushing like I did when I thought about holding hands with a boy in public. I was red with fear. They were red with love. They didn’t mean to make a statement by showing their affection, but they helped me feel empowered and hopeful. So whether it’s at the movies or on a bus or just walking down the street, I’ll try to embody a proud gay man for any closeted person that may see me.ImageImageImage

3. I’ll fight internalized homophobia.

Anyone who has spent any time in the gay community knows we have our own internal problems. Try going to any gay dating app without seeing “masc for masc” or “straight acting” on a profile. By definition, none of us fit into society’s gender or sexual norms. Let’s not ostracize our own. You’re no better than anyone simply because you “pass” more easily for being straight. You won’t be the exception to anti-gay laws ’cause you’re a top or your biceps are the size of my thighs.

There also exists a problem of not being gay enough. This can come from stereotypes that gay men are all dancing, hyper-fashionable, Lady Gaga-loving queens. Some of us are queens. Some of us are kings, jesters, and knights too. As long as you’re comfortable with yourself, you’re enough.

4. I’ll love my body and mind.

Gay men are more likely than their straight counterparts to experience body image problems and eating disorders. I’m not sure the reason behind this. It could be the media, stress related to coming out or our community’s fixation on outer appearances. It’s probably a combination of all three among other things. Our community has so much more to fight for than just a slimmer waist or a bigger chest. Let’s stop trying to be the hottest guy in the room or trying to bang him. Let’s start celebrating intelligence and wit. We could do so much more if we all tried being the funniest or most well read guy in the room.


5 thoughts on “Becoming a better gay man…

  1. Thank you Kevin for reading and liking my little BLISS, blog is such a vulgar word isn’t it. How exciting that you are in Chicago and I am in rural England and we can chat and share stories. I will follow your Bliss and hope you will want to follow mine. Regards Celia. X


  2. Actually, gays, lesbians, straights, etc. are all afforded the same rights under the current laws. Blond hair gay or straights – should they have specific rights? Or alternate rights? The Constitution is not gender or sexual preference specific. Nor are the Bill of Rights. It took 100 years for America to realize that about color. Democrats opposed the abolishment of slavery, just as they did de-segregation. When WE all work together, without labels – then truly what a wonderful world this would be. Animals in the wild and even different domesticated animals in the same home can co-exits. YET, it is only humans that seem to see color, register religion, care about sexual preferences, discern between fat and thin … Peace on Earth! Hmm, listen to that Bing Crosby & David Bowie song. You can find it on youtube. Peace has been elusive to man since the beginning. For now, we can strive to find peace within. We can and do surround ourselves with people, places and things that make our hearts smile. Joys that enrich our lives. To allude to Louis Armstrong, in song – “I say to myself, what a wonderful world.”


  3. Thank you. I read something on another sight about how masculine men could date a feminine man and how to go about it. And the basics are that, we are just as strong minded and seek the same things, that no matter what point we are on the spectrum, we are just as equal and balance each other out. It’s something that we’ll face until like minds come together and forward the message of humanity rather than masculinity and femininity.



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