There are different types of couples everywhere—some call each other “bae,” some call each other “honey” and “baby,” and some men call their boyfriends “daddy.”
Yes, it’s a thing. Some men actually call their boyfriends “daddy” during sex, but it doesn’t mean they have daddy issues or want to have sex with their father. Sex therapist Vanessa Marin spoke to Broadly, and said, “I’ve heard from a fair amount of men who were turned off by it, and were worried that it was an indicator of ‘daddy issues.’ Yes, ‘daddy’ can mean ‘father,’ but we also use the word to indicate when someone is the boss, in charge, a protector, or doing a good job. That’s usually the meaning men are going for in the bedroom. It’s a bit of a 70s porn cliche. I’ve never run across a man who called his partner ‘daddy’ because he genuinely likes fantasizing that he was his father.”
While Freud believed that we all have an Oedipal or Electra complex, he is also the most discredited psychoanalyst of all time. A search on Reddit reveals that people don’t call their boyfriends “daddy” because they’re fantasizing about their fathers, but “want to call their man daddy in a way that has nothing to do with their father but as a way that communicates they are submissive to your masculinity.”
A kink that actually does explain this, and is a full-on thriving community, is the Ddlg kink community. Ddlg stands for Daddy Dom/little girl, where the “littles” get taken care of by their male partners, who provide them with discipline and toys. If you want to know more about the lifestyle, you should check out the Ddlg tags on Tumblr and Reddit. Just a warning, if you’re not okay with sexualizing and fetishizing children and little girls, this is not for you, which is what I discovered when I researched them. I do not understand it, and I do not get why grown-up adult women act like they’re “mentally 3 or 4.”
Dr. Margaret Squire, who doesn’t believe there’s any pedophilia involved in the Ddlg kink community said, “I think that when that language comes up, it’s just as likely to be in a healthy relationship. You’re getting back to very early warm attachments. Sometimes people are merely recognizing a pattern in their relationship. That’s why we have relationships so we can rely on each other. It’s not necessary for everyone to be equally strong in all things.”
She does mention that there is a risk with these patterns in a relationship, with the protector erasing the part of them that needs nurturing. However, usually, it is the woman who ends up giving herself up to fit the community, because “in this society that’s what women do. Women are trained from a very early age to put other people’s needs before their own, and to erase themselves from situations.” Considering society also needs men to act like the providers, this kink really does fall right into patriarchy’s lap.
So there you have it. If you do call your partner “daddy,” this may be why. Try exploring the kink with him, and see if you two enjoy it. What’s important is, that you find what works for you, and then find someone who explores it with you.
So calling your partner can be healthy, unless it isnt lol.