I have had my share of perfect guys who turned out flawed.. I’ve loved hard and been let down even harder. Each man that comes after needs to jump higher run faster see deeper Surpass the last.
These are not requirement that are conjured up in my brain these are subconscious realities I can’t move pass. Each new love interest always seem too good to be true. My heart flutters then falls. But my brain remains more calluses than the last inspection.
My insecurity grows with every heart break. Why didn’t this one make it? Am I not good enough? Why didn’t he love me? I’ve been told way too many times that I have a standard that’s hard to match. Wtf….
And here we go again… I want to run faster than ever. I feel whole and hopeless tall and stunted. I want but am fearful to have. I need but am incredulous to ask. Father would often say “a closed mouth won’t get feed” I have lived by those words for ever To guide me. But have never applied them to my love life.
I’m scared, but I have heard that nothing worth having will come easy and fear is just a feeling felt in the beginning of all new adventures.
Still, I’m scared.