The evil of coming out and dragging everyone with you …

She said she refused to change her life for me since I wouldn’t for her, she had hopes and plans that I would get married give her grandchildren and I ruined that. And she didn’t want to talk about it anymore and that was the last time we talked about her being in the closet… I told her I wouldn’t write about this, I lied :-)

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Me coming out the closet was a huge relief for me but not so much for others … This was especially the case for mother … 

Me bursting out of the closet caused a little anxiety for my mother, What would the world think about her? Is it her fault that I am gay? Did she force me to watch one too many soap operas?

 I hadn’t noticed it right away, For me coming out seemed really easy. Well, the second time around … my mother, at the time had been seeing this guy whom she made us believe was extremely religious, and you know what that means??? I was going to hell with gas soaked boxers on. So when deciding to come out (again) that was a huge factor, would I be alienating my mother by proxy? Or causing a rift in her newly forming relationship…. Well, after way too much to drink one night it didn’t even matter, I got a call from a really close friend telling me that I was photoed kissing a boy…. Well, all I could think is that someone would see it and tell my mother asap … So I would head them off at the gate and tell her myself … I grabbed the bottle of vodka, took a big swig and called her … after drunkenly stating (in an angry tone I might add) “MOM IM GAY” there was a pause and then she started to cry… “why are you crying “  I asked ( Still in that bitter & angry tone ) she replied “because I wish I was there with you right now so I could give you a hug“ “ why? I don’t need a hug” I announced, “ I’m happy” ….. She went on to ask if it was ok to tell Don My now step father … Well like I said I understood him to be religious so I thought that could wait…

The next day I was a bit sick for so many reasons including the fact that after the call I am sure I finished the bottle and passed out. I called my mother to tell her it was all right to tell Don… This is when I found out she already did…Oh snap!!…. I stopped talking to her after that for a few weeks, I am sure now it was to keep her at bay just in case she really didn’t approve… We never really talked about it after that and often times when the subject of sexuality would come up in mixed company you could see her wince and even change the subject.

A few months after we started back talking again I went to her job to pick her up and the ladies at the desk were all google eyed and when my mother got to the lobby the receptionist began to tell my mother how good looking her son was and that she should let her hook me up with her daughter, then I overheard my mother say something about my girlfriend She told me she just didn’t need her coworkers all in her business.… I dropped the subject then but it was the first time I noticed she was in the closet about my sexuality …

There was another moment months later when I took my mother to the mall and we ended up having lunch at red lobster … The waiter, this really good looking latin guy and I was flirting a bit and it was pissing her off, which at this time pissed me off. So the more she reacted the gayer I got, to the point that I grabbed my cousins purse and pretended it was mine as we left … (I had stolen a fork also)  The waiter said “ e is so funny ‘ and her reply was “its funny now but wait till his girlfriend hears about this,  …  Once again on the walk to the car, I asked her what was up with that? She said if I want to play she would play harder … It bothered me the whole drive so after dropping off my cousin I started to ask her again and b4 I could even get it fully out she told me … “You spent your whole life knowing you were gay and had time to adjust and I would need the same. You can’t just drop this life changing thing on me and think ill just get it. I’m trying but it will take me time also “ I tried explaining the hurt the damage that I caused being in the closet, the lies, and hiding. The unhappiness that stems from it and the relationships I ruined from my lack of honesty. 

She said she refused to change her life for me since I wouldn’t for her, she had hopes and plans that I would get married give her grandchildren and I ruined that. And she didn’t want to talk about it anymore and that was the last time we talked about her being in the closet… I told her I wouldn’t write about this, I lied 🙂

These moments help me notice that just because I was ready for the world to know who I am didn’t mean everyone else in my world was ready… You don’t always come out alone, You drag everyone with.

One thought on “The evil of coming out and dragging everyone with you …

  1. I’m married to a man, and I’m bisexual. Telling him wasn’t easy, but it’s not nearly as hard as what you have to deal with. Good point about the fact you do take other people along for the ride.

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