We’ve all seen the heart-wrenching video of an ex-girlfriend talking to her cheating ex-boyfriend courtesy of The Scene. The internet world moves fast so as a refresher; the girl confronts the cheating ex-dude and it gets emotional (on her part). She cries as she reflects on their tragic time together as ole boi is chilling seemingly unaffected.
Social media didn’t waste time. They made parodies, found her Instagram and hailed her beauty, but mostly they pointed out how they would act “if it was me”. Everybody had an opinion. Women and men alike saying she’s dumb for not leaving him or how could he cheat on such a pretty girl (which is a whole other story). People’s imaginary situations made it seem like they were so strong that they would never allow a partner to hurt them.
But that’s sooooo not true. We all hurt and more times that not we put up with it.
Our partners hurt us and it isn’t always related to infidelity. Here are 6 ways a partner can hurt you and still hold the Bae title.
- They aren’t emotionally available– Speaking from experience mental health issues can be a factor in the lack of emotional availability your partner can provide, that’s something you can’t help. I’m talking about people who don’t have mental health issues but feel distant. Your partner may be waiting for a way out or is preoccupied with their own personal problems so the relationship suffers. You might feel lonely, rejected, unimportant, unloved, or you might feel empty.
- They aren’t dependable– In any working relationship, everyone involved depends on the other(s) for emotional, physical, financial or religious support. Sometimes all the above. Think of a time when you counted on your partner and they let you down. Like, they were supposed to pick up the kids and they forgot. My parents are personally guilty of this. If your partner is consistently fucking up, is it worth it? Like overspending on the monthly budget every month or not putting in work in the bedroom. Being with someone who doesn’t have their shit together isn’t easy.
- They don’t have the same plans– You might be thinking long term but your partner is here while it’s good. Your mind is on vacation spots for the next year and your partner is planning for next Friday. You might want to travel the world but your partner needs someone more stable. As relationships, mature one may want to explore their sexuality (maybe with multiple partners) while the other is uncomfortable with their partner’s curiosity. That doesn’t make them (or you) a bad person but it does mean you both have different #relationshipgoals.
- They get into drama– Particularly for LGBTQ folks in the closet, they have to walk a fine line between their relationship with their boo and their family/work/friends. First, your partner has to be able to keep a secret and secondly they have to be okay with being the secret. But on a less serious note, some partners may get into problems and cause beef. Then you and your auntie ain’t talking cuz your boo dissed her food. Messy. If your other half is always starting drama you might want to reconsider being with them or you’ll never get invited to Christmas dinner.
- They are a work in progress– Often times we get into relationships with people who are very different from us, be it maturity, intellect, housekeeping habits, etc. However, what once drew us to these alien folk begins to drive us crazy after a while. I think women in particular hatch this plan of getting a regular degular and ‘cleaning’ them up in hopes of creating the perfect partner. Like K Michelle said, “Can’t raise a man” Relationships are hard enough tbh.
- They don’t give you the love you want– Know that nothing you do obligates your partner to do ANYTHING and vice versa. While relationships are about compromises you can’t make someone treat you better by treating them like royalty. Everyone expresses their love differently so if you need someone to hold you day in and out, you must seek out someone who gives love in that way. The flip side to that is they gotta be pleased by the way you give love also. For example, some want to receive love through gifts, while they give love with kind gestures. The compatibility has to go both ways. If the partner giving the gifts isn’t happy with kind gestures they aren’t receiving love in that relationship.
See? There are worst things your partner can do to hurt you besides cheating. Kourtney Jorge a.k.a #Hurtbae seemed to bounce back just fine after floundering for so long with Leonard so there’s hope. Obviously, there are other things a partner can do to hurt you but I decided to focus on the problems that don’t get discussed often. Comment below of anything I missed that you think should be on the list.